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Blind Spots, Billionaires, Freedom See-ers, and The Circle of Life

Introduction aka My Justification:

 

Fears and limitations, hopes and dreams, love and hate are all driven by the beliefs you’ve embraced throughout your life. These beliefs shape the world you live in by creating blind spots in your ability to perceive anything other than what you expect, insist on, or wish to be true.

 

Like the blind spot in your side and rear view mirrors, the truth is erased from view for as long as things remain in that blinded position.

 

Now, replace the word “position” with “belief” and you will understand yourself (and others) a little better.

 

However, unlike a driver’s one or two blind spots (depending on the vehicle), humans experience (or rather don’t experience) a limitless number of invisible events. These blind spots are used to reinforce a person’s world view and block out any evidence to the contrary .

 

Under the right circumstances, with the perfect storm of external influences and the right (or wrong) ideas engaged, these blind spots can merge into one huge invisibility cloak used to obscure all logic, and make you completely blind.

 

This is called delusion.

 

It functions like a magician’s mirror trick. All the action is happening behind the mirror but you can only see the reflection you were designed to see.

 

This “being blind to what so many others deem as obvious” is often one of the first states you find yourself in when “falling in love”.

 

This blog is a story of unrequited, make believe, love. Of wrapping the blindfold around one’s eyes and making up truth. This is a story of stupidity – mine.

 

Let me begin by telling you that I have a type. It is not male or female. It is not symmetrically balanced faces with taught bodies, not tall or handsome, buxom or beautiful.

 

It is people who love children, a man or a woman who sees the value in humans and wants to make the world a better place. Not because humanity is broken but because the state of being alive requires growth in one direction or another, expansion or contraction, regenerative or degenerative, but never never never stagnation. Since we have to move in one direction or another – in my opinion-  better is better than worse.

 

Whenever I meet someone who fits the criteria I fall in love.

 

But since I seldom meet someone who meets the criteria sometimes I just pretend I did.

 

Pretending is not better, it’s worse.

 

The Story of my Stupidity

 

I was enraptured as I watched a smallish overweight balding man speak with humor and passion on a midsized stage. He told the story of how he had gained his wealth and the many ways in which he used it to enrich the world. That is why my “interested antennae” had begun to tip in his direction. He cared about the global community of (wo)man. The final sell in that multilayered motivational story came when, with a warm twinkle in his eye, he spoke of how much his life improved the day he came to value the opinion of a five year old.

 

I wrote down his email address.

 

He was introduced as a billionaire trying to improve the lives of people around the globe. His stories confirmed this assumption while adding an epiphany moment that matched my life’s purpose. I am old now, so I never really think about connecting in a romantic way anymore. However, I had a special project that was meant to change the future lives of people with autism around the world. I believed he was the kind of man who would be interested in my project and even- that possibly- we could be friends.

 

I sent him a message requesting a mentor. I asked him to help me get my show Fix It In Five (a docu-series about helping families around the world coping with autism and other disorders) into the right hands for mainstream distribution.

 

He responded right away. He connected on LinkedIn. He set up times for us to talk. He told me to create a treatment  that he would take it to his people in Hollywood. He wrote a testimonial for my new book and accepted a reduced speaking fee for my event. He said we needed to spend time together and wrote an affectionate letter on my book cover.

 

He texted a lot and called me sweetheart.

 

I am a busy woman with a passion project. He was a busy man looking for people to support. He seemed to have chosen me and yet, nothing ever really happened. All our dates were cancelled and often I wondered if he was confusing me with someone else.

 

He definitely promised a lot. But he only really did the things that drew the limelight in his direction. I wanted the promises to be real so as the red flags kept coming my blind spots got bigger and bigger until they merged into one huge state of ridiculousness..

 

He grew silent. Withdrew into the darkness. I signed up for one of his workshops,  a mere $695.00. He said he was delighted that I was coming and BAM we were texting again.

 

The story gets a little crazy and though I could tell you every little word and feeling it would probably bore you because you are not in the myopic state pretend love creates. (Or are you?)

 

The gist of it is that I discovered he was playing a number of the people I introduced him to and that no one could prove his wealth. He wrote an almost identical letter of affection on several people’s books and balked at refunding people who wanted to withdraw from his workshops.

 

He also cancelled the workshop I was to attend and pretended to mail out refund checks. He was always in crisis (people dying or his health, etc) when it was time to meet up or pay me back. He was clearly not someone that matched my criteria. And I was definitely wasting time and would not be seeing my project in the hands of his “Hollywood” guys.

 

I gathered the evidence and outed him with all the women.

 

He was furious and did the usual manipulations, via text, of course.

 

I asked for my refund and he ALL CAPS SHOUTED that he wouldn’t want me at his workshop anyway. The check is in the mail he promised…

 

That was over a year ago. I am still waiting, walking to my mailbox and wondering why he couldn’t just refund it on paypal since that is how I paid. I send the occasional reminder text and email but never hear back anymore. Even the excuses have stopped.

 

I have heard of others who had trouble getting their money and still… on a day when it feels hard to help humanity I dream up excuses for him… wishing it could be real and making a difference could be made easier.

 

I justify his behavior with mental gymnastics. I tell myself dumb things like if he really is a billionaire then six hundred and ninety five dollars is about as important to him as 25 cents is to me.  Maybe I wouldn’t pay that back either, I tell myself.

 

But then I hear it.

 

The lie that makes the blind spots dissolve and become transparent.

 

Because I would pay it back.

 

My other belief, the one that drives me in innumerable ways, my need to be fair screams, “YES YOU WOULD!” I test the inner voice and imagine taking 25 cents from people to run a web series. One of them asks for a refund. And I immediately know, what I already know. I would not only pay it back but I would add something for their trouble.

 

And everytime I almost blind myself, again, I end up in this scenario.

 

Knowing that words are wonderful but actions make the difference.

 

If I want to make things better, words alone are not enough.

 

Not enough for me or the people I choose to partner with.

 

What is that old saying? “Never mind what they say, watch what their feet are doing.”

 

This man said he was disgusted by President Trump and wanted his term to end quickly. But then a few months later told stories of being at the President’s side. True or not, one thing was certain, he was duplicitous. These were the red flags I tried to ignore.

 

Red flags are red for a reason. They are meant to get your attention, so let them.

 

At this point in my life I have met (and worked with) several billionaires (both real and not).  I have heard many stories of naive people (especially artists) wasting time and money waiting for the fruition of promised help and support. I know I will see these events and people according to my own beliefs and wishes. That is unavoidable.

 

But implanting a belief that I will be better if I see clearly and respond quickly to any and all red flags, well, that could clear up the blind spots.

 

Perhaps you could try that belief as well. We could start a movement. Call ourselves, “the freedom see-ers.”

 

One thing is certain, if I want to help people see clearly, remove their blinders and grow in strength and kindness, I must do that too. I must stand by my beliefs or toss them aside with intention and opened eyed reasoning.

 

And I do want to help you, so I choose to help myself.

 

And that, more than the birth and death of each generation, is the circle of life.

A Valentine’s Letter of Love

My mom moved to a care home (well, a few actually) in the past two years.

While the family was removing her belongings from the old condo and putting them into storage, my sister came across this Valentine’s letter from me to my dad.

My father passed away many years ago and I wrote this letter when he was still alive. I was eight. I’m sixty-one and three quarters now.

“Dear Dad,

I do not know what Valentine’s Day is. I do not know if it is a day of love or a day of giving cards without a real reason. Or maybe it’s a day of giving cards with a very good reason. Whatever it is it will always be a day of love to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love your daughter,

Lynette”

This letter has been carted from place to place by my mother. It has come up often in my conversations with her, always for different reasons and not all of them nice.

But when I see the letter I just see me. A young girl, loving her daddy.

I know that’s as it should be because I understand how my brain function creates my reality.

I understand how the brain creates and recreates memories depending on the perceptions and emotions of the moment.

My childhood has a lot of abuse in it. Most of it from my mom, some of it from my dad.

But it also had a lot of love and hard work, a lot of homemade dresses and homework support, a lot of friends and tons (by today’s standards) of freedom.

I am not deluding myself into thinking it was easy for any of us, my parents included.

Instead, I am sharing what I learned and focusing on what I gained.

I love my parents and I’m glad to see that Valentine’s Day served a beautiful purpose in my life.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. It is not just about romance. It is about FEELING the softness and warm flow of neurochemicals that accompany LOVE.

Focus on the love,

whenever you can.

Because love heals,

everything!

*To learn more about my history of focusing on the love and healing from abuse, please read my book Sever The Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior.

 

Another Personal and Poetic Narrative by Dr. Lynette Louise in Her Latest Book: Sever The Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior – Published Jan. 2019 via Motivational Press

January 24, 2019 –  Simi Valley, CA: Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) is famous for her ability to share important science regarding behavior and beliefs through powerful and intimate storytelling. In her latest book, Sever the Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior, she offers audiences yet another peek at her personal traumas while guiding them to answers, both personal and universal.

In similar fashion to her previously published poetic picture book Cerebral Palsy and The WingMaker, Sever the Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior is told poetically (though not in rhyme) and accompanied by emotive images. Where The WingMaker offered a collage of photos starring family members in various roles, The Sub Shop Savior presents sketches by one of the author’s grandchildren; Ronan Paris was wrestling with gender identity when The Brain Broad stepped in and offered the opportunity to express those emotions artistically, albeit on a different subject. She hoped that the act of artistically committing to a public project would help with both self-esteem and self-discovery. Lucky for Ronan, it did. Lucky for audiences, we feel it.

The story is of a lost young mother (the author), trying to save herself from a deep and dangerously dark place. Her own strength and intelligence are working against her, having been fed a diet of abuse and lies for the entirety of her childhood. With the tenacity of a mom insisting on becoming healthy for her children and the help of an uncommon stranger, a smelly homeless old woman in a sandwich shop, the tangle of abuse and lies is recognized, examined, and intentionally severed.

The story stirs emotions while it teaches. “You can let go of the baggage in your life when you stop looking at it and focus on a goal of your choosing,” explains Louise.

Dr. Lynette Louise works effectively as a brain and behavior clinician (as well as neurofeedback practitioner) in homes around the world, helping families of various cultures, belief systems, with diverse economic stories. “I help people by sharing much of the knowledge offered in this book. Fact is, it’s true that we are all unique individuals, but it’s also true that we are similar and built with the same basic ingredients. Hence, some general information, when taken in and turned personal, can help everyone. I want to be part of that on as big a scale as possible.”

Dr. Lynette Louise is an award winning author, speaker, filmmaker, and humanitarian. She is also a woman and mother who worked to understand the abuse she survived as a child and how it had infected many of the choices she made as a young adult. With help from a women’s shelter in Ontario, Canada she took steps to sever that cycle, eventually taking the reins and understanding on a deeper level. As the single mother of eight children, six of whom were adopted from homes of abuse and dealing with their own disabilities and traumas, Louise was called to understand the science of behavior so entirely that she could help every one of her own children learn it, regardless of their past experiences and present abilities.

The success of her family is impressive and remains one of her favorite stories to tell. More broadly, she is called to share the reasons and techniques of that success with families worldwide. Sever The Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior is a gorgeous and powerful addition to the family of stories that inspire, teach, and challenge us to take the reins, written by a tireless and brilliant woman.

Sever the Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior is available in most online bookstores. If you can’t find it at your local bookshop or library, please request it. Follow this link to purchase via Amazon: Sever the Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior

About the author: Dr. Lynette Louise is an internationally renowned brain change and behavior expert who teaches a unique and effective approach to continual success andgrowth. An award winning author, speaker, opinion writer, host, recognized humanitarian, and consultant Lynette is universally applauded for her skilled use of science, comedy, and stories when speaking to and teaching groups. Lynette leverages her understanding of how to harness the brain’s plasticity while tapping into her history as a comedian and songwriter, lending leaders and teams a leg up in their industry and lives. Deservedly referred to as “The Brain Broad” Lynette works tirelessly correcting brain dysfunctions and improving group dynamics both at home and abroad. Dr. Lynette Louise is the single mother of eight grown children (six adopted, five cognitively challenged) and is a passionate advocate for children and families facing adversity around the globe.

CONTACT: Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbroad.com / http://www.brainbody.net// EMAIL: crazy2sane@gmail.com / lynette@lynettelouise.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682
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Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) To Be Presented with “Iconic Women Creating A Better World For ALL” award at Women Economic Forum Conference in LA (Nov. 29-Dec.1, 2018)

Nov. 20, 2018 – Simi Valley, CA: Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) is one of nearly fifteen iconic women who will be presented with the “Iconic Women Creating a Better World For ALL” award at the upcoming Women Economic Forum Conference to be held in LA Nov. 29th through Dec. 1st.

Dr. Lynette Louise is an international brain change and behavior expert. As a hands on clinician as well as a speaker, filmmaker, and teacher, Dr. Lynette Louise works passionately to share knowledge and skills that gift all people, particularly outliers and outcasts, with actionable information and belief shifting science that enhances their lives. “My intention is to become an unstoppable presence in the world of motivation and mental health, “explains Dr. Lynette Louise. “As a speaker, show host, clinician, and mom I have taught and proven again and again that we MUST raise the bar on what can be accomplished – regardless of labels, stigma, or imagined obstacles – by ourselves and our children. With motivation, brain change, and behavior tips, we can all hone necessary skills to be successful in our own lives and in our capacity as citizens of the world. Besides,” adds The Brain Broad with characteristic excited energy, “it’s fun!”

ALL Ladies League (ALL) is the world’s largest All-inclusive international women’s chamber and a global movement for the Welfare, Wealth, and Wellbeing of ALL by empowering women’s leadership. It is a movement of Gender Equality without Gender Divisiveness.

For many reasons a relationship with Dr. Lynette Louise and ALL Ladies League is sustainable and synchronistic. Humanitarian efforts around the world, caring for ALL regardless of gender, abilities, or inclinations, being vocal and inclusive while being clear and concise; and most precisely it is the belief in equality without divisiveness that speaks volumes for the similarities of both Lynette’s core meaning and ALL Ladies League’s movement and mission. As stated on the WEF website, “We have a strong #SheforShe spirit, with outreach toward #SheforHe and #HeforShe.”

While Dr. Lynette Louise travels the globe with a big colorful brain, a passion for believing in everyone, a gift for revealing the path to make important change, and a talent for teaching people to expect equality for themselves by showing them that they are indeed equal and of unimaginable value, Women Economic Forum is Leading the global calendar of events for women empowerment and enterprise. “We have held, in 2015 – 2018, over 20+ worldwide editions, and continue to hold around 10 every year.”

You are invited and encouraged to attend the Women Economic Forum at the J.W. Marriot in LA Nov. 29th – Dec. 1st 2018. Dr. Lynette Louise will be receiving the “Iconic Woman Creating a Better World For ALL” award on Nov. 30th.

CONTACT: Dr. Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD, Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: crazy2sane@gmail.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682

For Info on the WEF event: Marti Lippert, Event Coordinator, marti@socialspotlightevents.com

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Dirty Girl In The Bathroom and Top Of Mind Marketing

Many people invest in little fridge magnets, pens, and notepads with their business name stamped on them, hoping to imprint their name upon you so that when you need their expertise they are top of mind. They hope to be the first business you think of; the one you call. This does not work on me. Possibly it seldom works on most people but it is likely a good tax write off for the company even if they don’t get customers from it. And, of course, they’re giving their business to the companies that are personalizing the products. Even if it doesn’t work they are benefiting someone. However, it does require a budget for all that bric-a-brac. The calendars and pens and mouse pads. So it would be best if it helped their sales, I am sure. And, like I said, whether it works on anyone else or not it doesn’t work on me.

On the other hand, I do use the pens, notepads, flashlights, and magnets. I do use the bric-a-brac. It just doesn’t lead to my being converted from gadget gatherer to customer.

BUT! I have discovered that…

When the gadget solves a problem it just might convert someone else.

You see, I am the dirty girl in the bathroom that doesn’t wash her hands.

Let me explain, aka justify.

Soap hurts my hands.

And before you roll your eyes, understand that carrying soap and/or lotion in my handbag has proven difficult in the airports (and I am in the airports a lot). For example, certain lotions make your hands read on the security instruments as if you have been playing with explosives. (If you didn’t know that already word of advice: Do not use hotel lotion before flying.) I fly almost weekly. Thus I am efficient in my arrival times and often do not have time for the third degree security shake down.

Additionally, since I am a last minute pack and run kind of girl and moisturizing soap isn’t top of mind, I often forget it. I wanted something I could always have at the ready without setting off security alarms and so sanitizer became my go to solution.

Except it wasn’t. It hurt my hands.

As do baby wipes, makeup remover wipes, and several oils.

I finally found a pen sanitizer that worked. Or rather, it found me by hanging out in a financial expert’s grab bag at an event for women.

Fortunately, Marilyn Suey (the money expert) had enough to share with the speakers at the event, of which I was one. While sitting on the toilet I found myself going through the grab bag and trying the special pen sanitizer. Not only were my hands clean, they were also comfortable. I felt as if I had won the lottery! I then noted that it would have been better to use it after I went to the washroom and I established my future habit.

And that is how I became the dirty girl that doesn’t wash her hands.

Habits are established fairly quickly but they are shaped and reshaped over time.

Initially I just looked like the dirty girl that voided and then left the room without washing her hands.

Then one day I overheard someone say I was disgusting and considered caring more about what they thought than the truth of the situation. Perhaps, instead of cleaning after leaving the bathroom, I should use the sanitizer in an obvious fashion as I exited?

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes, I get a certain satisfaction out of the uninformed judgments of others. After all, I am in the airport and there is not a lot of fun to be had while waiting to board a plane.

I either do not go to the wash basin after eliminating in a public restroom and use my fancy pen after I leave (especially if people are staring and seem judgmental) or, if there are children watching, I fake wash with water only and then use the pen while sitting at the gate.

One day, as I  pretended to wash my hands, a young girl of about five or six who was watching the adults surrounding her (possibly in search of the reasons behind the fluctuating rules), told her mom that I had not used soap.

OOPS!

My little game of rebelling against the judgments of others had backfired. I care about children. I work with children. I model for children. A lot.

Truth is, I believe in hand washing and want children to have it as a healthy habit.

In that moment I realized that this little girl may have the same problem as me and need the same solution. Perhaps she was watching the adults in search of a way NOT to use soap. And there it was. My opportunity to help. I love that.

I pulled out the pen and told her mom the story. We used the sanitizer together and the little girl said it helped her hands. Mom asked who Marilyn Suey was and I shared that she was a wonderful new friend with great financial advice. The mom wrote her name and number down and we parted ways, rushing to catch our respective planes.

I have now repeated this advertisement dance countless times and whether Marilyn gets clients from it or not, I got an important lesson. And so, too, do many of the bathroom patrons.

We chat and share tips. Sometimes we share cultural differences over sanitation and often refer experts in various fields. The pen has truly written a different story in my life even though it contains no ink. And though I still don’t invest in bric-a-brac in order to spread my name I am doubly convinced of the importance of testimonials. But even more than testimonials I am reinvested in people. My life has grown better from the power of intimate bathroom chatter and all the connections made, in this, the unlikeliest of places. We connect over explanations and the sharing of ideas rather than separate over assumptions and preexisting prejudices. We connect even though, or rather because, I pass through life not washing my hands right in front of them.

I stopped behaving like a shock jock and drawing their stares in order to entertain myself. I also stopped deluding myself into thinking they deserved it, that it was their fault for judging me, when they were only thinking what I set them up to believe in the first place.

Thank you, Marilyn. Without my ever hiring you, you improved my life just by being you.

And that is my lesson to hold on to. Be myself but do it out loud. Use the pen in front of them. Talk about it. Use it again after I leave and talk about that, too.

Do this, and every behavior I believe in, with comfort.

That way I will not be to blame for the misunderstandings that come my way. But will, instead, get the credit for the truth I represent.

Influential New Book by Dr. Lynette Louise – Inspire Yourself To Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World – Now Available for Kindle

Nov. 9, 2018 – Simi Valley, CA: While award winning author Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) works with her publishing team at Motivational Press to complete the finishing touches on her upcoming book Sever The Cycle of Abuse with The Sub Shop Savior (expected publication early December, 2018) her recently released book, Inspire Yourself to Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World, has been calling attention to itself by becoming a highly recommend read.

Originally available only in paperback (and we confess, for this particular book paperback remains our favorite version) it has recently been released for Kindle as well.

“The latest book from Dr. Lynette Louise is outstanding. She truly walks her talk and that is apparent in her writing. This book is truthful and practical and leaves me with a sense of real hope on how to create and maintain motivation to manifest anything in life. This book is a must read! Thank you Dr. Lynette for being real. It is so appreciated.” ~Amy Jordan, Speaker, Coach, Fitness Expert, Dancer

Bringing her skills together as an international brain expert, storyteller, advocate, and mom, Dr. Lynette Louise’s interactive book enlightens readers with the power of neuroscience, psychology, cultural understanding, and parental love. The result is a compelling brain based book that inspires and empowers readers with expertly timed metaphors and stories that are easily understood while offering scientific insight that engages and motivates. This book inspires readers to inspire themselves.

Whether you prefer to Inspire Yourself to Greatness with paperback or Kindle – or both! – all options are now easily available to you.

Find both paperback and Kindle versions of Inspire Yourself to Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World, on Amazon by following this link: Inspire Yourself to Greatness by Dr. Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad)

About the author: Dr. Lynette Louise is an internationally renowned brain change and behavior expert who teaches a unique and effective approach to continual success and growth. An award winning author, speaker, opinion writer, host, recognized humanitarian, and consultant Lynette is universally applauded for her skilled use of science, comedy, and stories when speaking to and teaching groups. Lynette leverages her understanding of how to harness the brain’s plasticity while tapping into her history as a comedian and songwriter, lending leaders and teams a leg up in their industry and lives. Deservedly referred to as “The Brain Broad” Lynette works tirelessly correcting brain dysfunctions and improving group dynamics both at home and abroad. Dr. Lynette Louise is the single mother of eight grown children (six adopted, five cognitively challenged) and is a passionate advocate for children and families facing adversity around the globe.

CONTACT: Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD, Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: crazy2sane@gmail.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682
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Five Reasons You Should Spend Five Days at our Neurofeedback & Nutrition Retreat this October: Change Your Mindset To Change Your Life with Dr. Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad), Dianne Kosto, and Dana James

Apparently, I like the number five when inspiring people to grow. For example, I have a show called Fix It In Five and I wrote Five Steps To Self Discovery in my new book Inspire Yourself To Greatness Change Your Brain Change the World. I even rewrote the number five in The Seven Senses of Leadership: The Brain Broad’s Guide To Leadership Sensibilities by shifting the normally believed in sensory system senses from five to seven. (When you tell people there are seven they automatically think of the number five.)

When it comes to numbers and being heard by the populace there is an actual science. Five, seven, nine, ten, and eleven top the list depending on the purpose of the list. Generally speaking, lower numbers are better in to-do/not-to-do and “why” lists, whereas higher numbers are better for accomplishments like the top ten charities, etc. For me, the number five seems most compelling because it implies enough work to make a difference and not so much work that you can’t remember all the steps or risk getting overwhelmed just reading the list. When it comes to “reasons why” this is even more true. Too few reasons won’t get me to reduce my bank account by more than a few dollars and too many reasons has an implied message that tells me I am super broken and need way more than five days for the fix (and, oh ya, the retreat is five days long).

What retreat you ask?

Why, the one in Mexico of course 🙂

My last five days this October will be spent rejuvenating brains and bodies at a beachfront luxury villa located in the exclusive neighborhood of Punta Mita on the Pacific Coast of Mexico. Alongside Dianne Kosto (founder of SYMMETRY Neuro-Pathway Training) and Dana James (founder of the Archetype Diet), we’ll be using our expertise and passion to give you the tools and experiences needed to Change Your Mindset To Change Your Life. I invite you to join us. You see, to really become better, more you, happier, and healthier, your psychology AND your physiology must shift in unison. And THAT is easiest done away from home in a soothing environment.

Whether you are facing anxiety, burn-out, overwhelm, sleep problems, health issues or a few stubborn extra pounds; this experience will prove that changing the way you think really can change everything.

Enjoy accommodation in a luxury, beachfront villa in paradise.

So, here you go. Five Reasons You Should Spend Five Days at our Neurofeedback & Nutrition Retreat this October:

1- The price of the retreat is cheaper than the two QEEG tests and various sessions you will receive would be if you bought them individually. So if you have been wanting to test neurofeedback this is an amazing opportunity! Normally, to get neurofeedback the provider requires these tests AND a minimum number of pre-purchased sessions. This is a huge commitment for the person just deciding if the therapy is right for them.

2- An unfamiliar yet supportive environment removes the usual habit forming behavioral cues and allows you to dig deep and rewrite old beliefs that are causing barriers to your development. Having neurofeedback sessions at the same time enables you to balance your physiology and correct for minor functional issues that have been impeding your growth and challenging your focus. For example, for some people feeling stressed results in a type of targeting behavior that means the person will look for who to attack. Removing that stress without balancing the brain leaves them feeling frightened as if they were in a stranger’s body. People who are like this find it hard to enjoy relaxing. However, with both neurofeedback and a supportive environment – away from the usual triggers – relaxing becomes rejuvenating

3- As mentioned, change can be stressful. But with neurofeedback that stress is reduced. And then living in a state of comfort helps solidify the desired feelings and behaviors. Thus, being surrounded by balancing techniques and activities (beaches, boats, yoga, infra-red sauna, massage, etc) facilitates the changes while allowing you to eliminate the difficulties.

4- The setting is beautiful yet separate from the town. It is secure and operates like an oasis for you and the other participants to recreate themselves in. This, and the neurofeedback accompanied by teaching and testing, magnifies the possibilities and enables people to accomplish for themselves in five days what it would normally require months to do.

5– The participant list will remain small to allow for intimacy and full access to experts. Though intentional change is possible in large gatherings the potential for emotional damage is high. In smaller groups, we can assist you as you choose and even attain your own personal self-discovery goals. We have small groups in order to ensure your success.

Of course, there are many more than five reasons to join us. And many of those reasons will be of a more personalized nature. So I encourage you to imagine yourself there, check out our itinerary, the menu, the photos of the villa, and picture how you might personally benefit. What you may want to work on or examine.

Feel free to make your own list of all the reasons you should spend five days at our neurofeedback and nutrition retreat this October. May I offer a fun suggestion?

Make it a list of five. 😉

Visit: Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life

Change Your Mindset To Change Your Life – A Retreat Hosted by Two Powerhouse Women: International Brain Change Expert Dr. Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad) and Dianne Kosto, SCN, CEO & Founder of SYMMETRY Neuro-Pathway Training

IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Inspired Retreats presents Change Your Mindset to Change Your Life – a life enhancing retreat hosted by two phenomenal women. October 27th – November 3rd 2018, join international brain change and neurofeedback expert Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) and Dianne Kosto, a neurofeedback enthusiast and “Mom on a Mission” in Mexico for eight days (with a five day option available) of relaxation, brain and behavior workshops, neurofeedback session, and more.

Whether you feel as though you’re drowning in a workload and emotional mess or you just feel the time is right to renew your health and refresh your goals, this retreat offers the tools and environment for optimal success.

About Your Hosts:

Dianne Kosto, SCN – During a saga to help her son, Dianne Kosto, “Mom on a Mission”, was introduced to the science of neurofeedback and has since been on a mission to share this drugless, painless, noninvasive modality that she believes saved her son’s life. Dianne is the founder of SYMMETRY Neuro-Pathway Training and has opened multiple SYMMETRY Centers on the east coast helping individuals and families. The results continue to be miraculous. She has created a division to cater to her roots in bringing SYMMETRY Neuro-Pathway Training to therapeutic boarding schools. She offers a membership program to professionals who are looking to incorporate Neuro-Pathway Training to enhance client services with a results driven reputation, and offers @Home Training program for those who need a more flexible schedule from the comfort of their home.

Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”): Dr. Lynette Louise is an internationally renowned brain change and neurofeedback expert who teaches a unique and effective approach to Leadership around the globe. An award winning author, speaker, opinion writer, host, humanitarian, and consultant Lynette (known as The Brain Broad) is universally applauded for her skilled use of science and stories when speaking to and teaching groups. Lynette’s work as a clinician, hands-on in homes with families around the world seeking help for their disabilities and degenerative diseases, is groundbreaking (and the basis for her international docu-series FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD). Lynette is also the single mother of eight now grown children; six adopted, five with cognitive challenges. It is her role as a mother that drives her desire to travel the globe helping others. After all, that is the environment they live in.

 

About The Location:

The retreat takes place at Alegre, one of three Inspired Retreats locations- Alegre is a beachfront luxury villa located in the exclusive neighborhood of Punta Mita on the Pacific Coast of Mexico. Punta Mita is 40 mins from Puerto Vallarta and 20 mins from the hippy-surf town Sayulita. The site is surrounded by multi-million dollar mansions and exclusive resorts decorating your visit with the safe and decadent feeling you deserve.

You are invited:

Take advantage of amenities such as Infra-red sauna, Hyperbaric oxygen chamber, Vibration plate, Biomat, Tennis court, Swimming pool, Surf boards (there’s a surf break right outside), Meditation space, and more.  Along with the neurofeedback and workshop sessions there will be live Mexican music, yoga classes, a Mexican cooking class, and more. Also, the menu is filled with healthy, made-from-scratch, local foods.

Escape to a beachfront villa in paradise, indulge in nourishing food and improve the health of your mind and body in a supportive environment. Change Your Mindset To Change your Life is looking forward to welcoming you.

To learn more about the retreat – see meals, itinerary, and amenities – and to register for Change Your Mindset To Change Your Life, FOLLOW THIS LINK or visit https://www.inspired-retreats.com/change-your-mindset.

CONTACT: Lucy Oliver at Inspired Retreats EMAIL: hello@inspiredretreats.com Online Form: Inspired Retreats

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Inspire Yourself To Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World – NEW BOOK by Dr. Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) Now Available

Inspire Yourself To Greatness is science writing at its best, done with heart, rhythm, and soulful truthfulness. Lynette has written a book I couldn’t put down.” ~Mitch Kaplan, award-winning singer, songwriter, pianist, producer and talent agent known as the musical director/collaborator for the Sandra Bernhard Experience, and UnCabaret

July, 2018, Simi Valley, CA – IMMEDIATE RELEASE – World-renowned brain change expert and award-winning author Dr. Lynette Louise (aka “The Brain Broad”), in partnership with Motivational Press, has released her highly anticipated interactive book Inspire Yourself to Greatness: Change Your Brain, Change The World. Bringing her skills together as an international brain expert, storyteller, advocate, and mom, this timely book enlightens readers with the power of neuroscience, psychology, cultural understanding, and parental love. The result is a compelling brain based book that inspires and empowers readers with expertly timed metaphors and stories that are easily understood while offering scientific insight that engages and motivates.

However, it is a belief in humanity’s ability to discover their own gifts and ideas that drives this book. Dr. Lynette Louise presents strategies and perspectives that enable a view of the possible, beyond what readers may have imagined alone, and then she invites – with great passion and interest – readers to participate in the journey.

One beta-reader told her Instagram followers, “The title, Inspire Yourself to Greatness, is brilliantly accurate. Although the author (Dr. Lynette Louise) does offer inspiration, deep understanding, and vast knowledge throughout the book, she also expertly provides space – both figuratively and literally – for the reader to cultivate and display their own personal beliefs, ideas, quotes, and growth. It is enlightening and, dare I say, fun!”

“You are always changing your brain,” explains Dr. Lynette Louise. “You are either building it up and adding to your convictions or breaking it down and re-creating yourself anew. Both are important aspects to purposeful growth and neither one is better than the other. You are always changing. With this book, I help you do so with intention and tools. And we start off, together, with the intention of growing great.”

This book is of great value to anyone with the desire to know themselves at a deeper level and to gain perspectives and insights that will help them continue to build a ‘greater” them. (The definition of what it means to grow oneself into greatness is decided by the reader at the beginning of the book with many opportunities to edit, change, reiterate, or reinvent along the way.)

About the author: Dr. Lynette Louise is an internationally renowned author, speaker, opinion writer, show host, consultant, and brain change expert. Leveraging her understanding of the brain’s plasticity Lynette gives Leaders of all styles a leg up in their industry. Celebrities, politicians, athletes, corporate leaders, and administrators seek her out for advice on how to optimize performance and improve cognition in the workplace. Deservedly referred to as “The Brain Broad” Lynette works tirelessly correcting brain dysfunctions and improving group dynamics both at home and abroad. Dr. Lynette Louise is the single mother of eight grown children (six adopted, five cognitively challenged) and is a passionate advocate for children and families facing adversity around the globe.

CONTACT: Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD, Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: crazy2sane@gmail.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682
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“Amazing writing. This is a brilliant, one-of-a-kind compendium on brain science and how self-awareness of your brain states can open the door to an astonishing new life.” ~Martin Olson, author of Encyclopedia to Hell

Twenty New Episodes of Letters to Lynette with host Dr. Lynette Louise (The Brain Broad) Will Air on The Autism Channel in 2018

May 21, 2018, Simi Valley, CA – On May 15, 2018, filming for twenty new episodes of Letters to Lynette, the popular show exclusive to The Autism Channel, were completed. The segments are expected to begin rolling out in June and will be available on demand throughout the year.

Letters to Lynette is a fifteen to twenty minute show wherein international brain change expert and autism specialist Dr. Lynette Louise (known affectionately as “The Brain Broad”) answers viewer’s personalized questions. The first three episodes of the show aired to great success in 2017 and remain available on demand.

The Autism Channel also hosts Dr. Louise’s renowned international docuseries FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD. FIX IT IN FIVE is an entertaining, educational, and inspirational series. The Brain Broad takes audiences with her via the lens of a camera into homes around the world. Each season – of which there are two available for viewing (Uganda, USA) and one to be released this year (Israel) with two still to be filmed (undetermined) for a total of five families in five different countries – brings audiences with Dr. Lynette Louise into a home where at least one family member is affected with autism and an additional diagnosed brain challenge. Often the other family members are also afflicted and mutually helped. With love, creativity, out of the box thinking, and neurofeedback, Dr. Louise gives the family a free five day outreach, helping the family heal while teaching viewers how to do the same. Always there is laughter, learning, forward momentum, new skills acquired and deep connections made.

“I believe families, educators, and care givers will get the most out of what I have to share if they pair the two shows. With FIX IT IN FIVE they can see my advice put into action and made practical. They get to watch it work. I am able to teach tangible lessons while exploring behavior and cultures on both a practical and philosophical level. And by watching a family other than your own be open to learning and candidly sharing their concerns, audiences absorb the possibilities for their own lives because their personal defenses are down. I love all of the families I work with and so I model the exciting changes created by purposeful playfulness and love,” Dr. Lynette Louise explains. “However, with Letters to Lynette, people ask me specific questions relating to their exact situations. Of course I don’t know the people writing in so my challenge is in answering the question in a way that helps them as well as the rest of the viewers. The question is a surprise for me as the producer prints them out and places them in the mailbox. I see the question for the first time and answer with the cameras on. This is done in one take because I want it to have the same feel as a live Q&A and because I want to model that once you understand this population you always know what to do. Having questions in your own personal Letters to Lynette segment answered is useful for the moment of course, but the benefits are exponential and easily applied in all areas of their lives, especially when understood from every angle via the lessons I offer in greater detail with my other projects.”

Dr. Lynette Louise is in a unique position to teach these lessons because she is a mother of eight; six were adopted and four had several mental health dysfunctions, including autism. She was also diagnosed as having come off the spectrum of autism herself. And for the past 30 years she has worked effectively around the globe with families and individuals struggling with various mental health issues (autism, Tourette’s, anorexia, addiction, ADHD, cerebral palsy, etc.). In this way she understands deeply the plight of the parent, the individual, and the professional. And because she has such a knowledgeable grasp of the subject, she is able to take her teachings into any environment and mold them to fit.  “This is why it was so important to me to have a series that travels the globe. What I teach helps people grow healthier and happier in every home, in every culture, and with every style of family. I want to share this gift with others. I remember desperately wanting it myself.”

Previous episodes of Letters to Lynette explored topics such as violence and social skills. The upcoming episodes range in flavor from How do you know if you are autistic? to Is there a connection between my son’s smelly feet and his violence? There was also this crafty one: What do I do about my child’s love of string and belts?

“I am grateful to individuals who are willing to be vulnerable in this way and share their fears or road blocks. Too often I am only able to help people one at a time because of confidentiality or secrecy. I honestly believe this secrecy is a dangerous problem in most cultures. So, again, I thank my letter writers and hope my answers are able to serve as a gift in return,” says Dr. Lynette Louise.

Episodes of Letters to Lynette are available on The Autism Channel (which is free with a Roku Box or Panasonic Viera TV) and can also be seen on their Facebook page. You can send your questions for Dr. Lynette Louise to Lynette@TheAutismChannel.tv. Episodes of FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD can be seen on The Autism Channel and Women’s Broadcast Network. They can also be rented or owned via Vimeo On-Demand. Please visit Lynette’s website for all links and more info: www.lynettelouise.com

Contact – Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD, Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: crazy2sane@gmail.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682
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The True Story That Isn’t True: A Tale of Autism, Adoption, and Abuse, with Important Advice for Parents

On April 2, 2018, a Strive Story was published about me. It is always an honor to share my story, but it is always a little uncomfortable, too. The story is never actually true, even though it is the truth. In telling our tales in snippets, with a theme, a reason, a moral, a specific audience, etc, we tell the version of our truth that is relevant. It is a true story, but it also isn’t. And when people write a story about you, well, they change it more, getting it right and wrong all at once.

As we near the end of Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month, I thought it might be a timely opportunity to share this true tale of me with you. It is just the story of one girl. A bit about her childhood, her diagnosis, her journey into parenthood, and her international career as a Brain Change expert.

(These bits are mostly taken from correspondence with the Strive reporters. It would add another dimension again if you chose to visit the story they wrote built out of these pieces they read. Feel free to have a look at their story here: Enabling Kids With Autism to Flourish)

Here is a story of me:

I grew up “different” and was abused both in and out of the home. As a small child, I promised to make the world a better place by becoming a caring and fair mom of many. Later, after having two live daughters born to me, I had to have a hysterectomy and so I adopted six more children, four boys and two more girls. All from abused homes and with various brain dysfunctions, most prevalent in the boys was autism.

After raising my family successfully against impossible odds (although I’ve been married five times I was mostly a single mom) and healing myself, along with most of my children, I took my knowledge, my love of challenged people, and my quirky style into the world to help others. I am now an international brain and behavior expert, helping families around the globe by working personally with them, writing books, hosting shows, and creating programs.

Growing up I was never properly diagnosed (labels such as bipolar, schizophrenia, and clinically depressed were considered but none quite fit). I did eventually, as an adult, receive a diagnosis of “Historically Asperger’s” which, in my opinion and in the opinion of my children, fits just fine.

Here is a longer, more detailed, and hence a more REAL story of me:

What I meant by abused both in and out of the home:  As a child I was an extrovert that was uncomfortable around people. But since my mom had a volatile temper I kept choosing to be in the company of my peers. There were other types of abuse in my home, and then outside of it, as well. My dad molested me, my uncle molested me, my grandfather sexually humiliated me, and I had sex with my teachers. This kind of abuse creates a nest. Whenever all this was overwhelming I would hide in bushes, closets, and cubbyholes. I had little meals and clothing packed in six or seven places around my house in case I was ever having to stay safe for longer than two hours, or if I got up the gumption to run away. I tried to kill myself five times but was too young to truly know how. And I gave sermons at church on layperson Sundays. I was different.

What I refer to when I say that I raised my family successfully against impossible odds: I feel like I understood my adopted daughter’s better because of my abuse, and I understood my adopted son’s better because of my brain. I understood you could be stupid and smart at the same time. Understanding all of that made it possible for me to believe that they could become more than anyone else believed they could.

However, my challenges at doing things in a socially appropriate way – for example, choosing to have my children walk to school together, rather than having two walk while the other two who were more afflicted take the severely special-needs bus, led to having them attached to each other with a scarf, which was brilliant and increased their independence – but caused the neighbors and educational administrators to attack us. This constant barrage of negativity made helping my children and myself pretty much impossible.

I was also blind to seeing sexual predators accurately and a couple of my children ended up molested – one of them by a school employee. I solved all of this in another unique and different way. I took everyone out of school and we lived in an RV going from resort to resort where everyone was treated with kindness and holiday smiles. All of my children improved, socially and academically, and I relaxed.

My ability think outside the box, because I wasn’t ever in it, was both a blessing and a curse; enabling me to solve funding problems, social issues, and other challenges while also creating a few problems of its own.

At this point in my life I do not have Asperger’s. However, I still get stuck on the occasional literal thought and think outside the box. Lucky for me and my patients my savant is in behavioral cause and effect.

Married five times but mostly a single mom, how I felt about that: Being a single mom was much easier than being a married mom. The ability to cooperate with somebody who disagrees with your unusual technique is too draining. When you understand the disability you’re dealing with, as I did, it takes a willingness to go into the disability, to join the person in their challenged place, and hold their hand as together you slowly shape behaviors toward a more normal presentation. Healing is messy. Most spouses don’t like it. It’s too much work and way to different. I do not have the skill – if it even exists – to blend that thinking with a neurotypical married life. PS: I was too busy to give my spouses enough attention.

Diagnosed as an adult, how and why that happened: I was fortunate and unfortunate in that a diagnosis for something like Asperger’s wasn’t even happening until the decade in which I became a parent. At that point, the abuse of my home and the difference of me had already created many emotional episodes. I spent my life living out of step and, particularly during adolescence, being suicidal. Once I had children I not only had something to live for but something to learn for, and so I began to self-help and heal in a very circuitous and somewhat problematic way. I became great at being a mom and matured well in that arena but, like many people with special brains, I had areas of complete inability. A couple examples of those inabilities were in basic math and in picking a good mate.

After many years of helping my children and myself I looked back over the landscape of my life and wondered what it would have been called. Even though I was very informed medically at this point, I thought it would be a good idea to get another opinion. I sat with a psychiatrist for five long sessions while we tried to tease apart whether it was just abuse as a child that caused my emotional behaviors and mental blind spots or if I actually should have been diagnosed with something. At the end of this process, she sent me what I didn’t know was a test email. She said she finally figured me out by looking in a very old manual. She diagnosed me with “Odducktoralis.” Even though this doctor had introduced herself to me as “The Odd Doc that Treats Odd Ducks” still, my literal mind sent me flipping through diagnostic manuals and looking all over the internet for research papers with this diagnosis. When I finally begged her for its meaning she said: “It’s official, you have Asperger’s.”

And I was relieved.

The good news is I specialized in autism and my children had lived with my difference for years. We didn’t feel a need for the diagnosis, yet we all felt better, it made sense, and my clients began to listen to me with greater interest.

Both are stories of me, both are true, and both are such a small piece of my puzzle that they are also a lie.

I tell this tale as a reminder for all of us this Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month. We are reading and hearing stories of people around the world who are on the spectrum. Hopefully, we are stepping up and making changes in our lives and the lives of others by being open and willing to learn something new.

But also, it’s of use to remember that we are being offered true lies.

This is at first confusing, of course. How can we learn from the stories of others if they are, by necessity, both true and not true? But then it is no longer confusing and is instead empowering. We ARE learning from the stories of others, which are both true and not true, and so we must always keep in mind that we are learning to empathize and grow great, not to come to concrete conclusions.

This is the story of one girl. It is her true story that isn’t telling you all the truth. I hope you are able to learn and grow from it.

An Actionable Piece of Advice for you This Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month: Okay, okay, fine, I get it. You want a specific concrete answer anyway. Well, I’ve got you covered. Instead of a concrete answer, I’m going to give you advice. I love giving advice! And I have lots to give! I help people all over the world become healthier and happier. Boy, do I have advice! ;D

So, at the moment, because of a patient I’m working with, what comes to mind as advice I want to give today is to point out with as much clarity as possible that a socially uncomfortable child is not made more comfortable by being forced into social circumstances. Putting these kinds of children into school settings surrounded by peers is a recipe for personality destruction, suicide, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, all manner of disorders can find their roots in the well-intentioned forcing of social exposure via the school system on the hearts and minds of children who simply react to their pain by shrinking inwardly or exploding out.

How to solve that is to shore up their confidence away from their peers when working on their deficit areas. Simultaneously pair them with other likeminded children for fun events and activities. The artist can go to art class, the ruff and tumble kid can join a soccer team, the child who doesn’t have a strong hold on fantasy and reality can join a theatre group and learn how to storytell with flair. In this way, when they compare themselves to others (and they will) they are successful and part of the group and they’ll learn to enjoy being social. And while away from the group they’re working on their challenges and getting comfortable with making mistakes.

At some point this will all blend together and they will want to go to school in a more neuro-typical fashion.

To sum up: You help children by helping children, not by forcing them through.

Brain Changes That Lead To Depression And Addiction Can Be Harnessed For Healing

There is an important thing happening in the world. Mental Illness is slowly becoming less of a hidden secret while more and more people speak up and out, insisting on being heard and on erasing the cruel stigma around most invisible brain dysfunctions. This is good. But we must be careful. Keep an eye on cultivating answer-oriented frames of mind rather than encourage the present trend of creating fame that celebrates and accommodates each diagnosis for its challenges. A limelight of pity creates value in being broken and increases the person’s problems rather than diminishing them.

Let me offer some answers.

For comprehension more detailed, let me focus on depression in women for a minute.

The two most challenging yet effective times to treat depression (particularly in women and girls) is during the teenage years and menopause. This is largely due to the immense amount of reorganizing your body and brain (and, hence, your hormones) are already engaged in. This is a time when the brain ( even more than the body) seeks to be shown how to grow healthier. This is a time when help is desired and more easily accepted when presented in the right light. But it is also a time when greater damage is easy to inflict via misinformation from propaganda via marketing, social sharing, political programs, religions etc. These lead to unhelpful expectations and beliefs.

During these periods – again, the teen years and menopause – the company of other women, medical professionals, group therapy, news, media marketing etc. tends to reinforce the misery descending upon bodies and brains that are reorganizing themselves for the next stage of life.

Nothing magnifies pain like public opinion. Especially when at the same time that women are being told they will suffer, they are also being treated as if this depression is irritating and they should just get over it. This catch 22 is the crux of the complication in helping women stabilize.

I travel the globe working effectively with people who have depression (along with all kinds of other mental health challenges) and I also raised eight children – four girls and four boys, six adopted and all with varying degrees of abuse and mental health challenges as part of their story – and so I am uniquely qualified to understand the problem of depression regardless of culture.

Around the world depression is prevalent. Often people want to know why. Well, given the degree to which movement offsets depression and the present day rise in sedentary behavior amongst young people, given the changes in brain wave behavior caused by screen usage and social network addiction, given the vulnerable nature of teens to social opinions and the immediacy and reach of social network bullying worldwide, given the high levels of state-change medicinal usage in elementary students effectively preventing the natural maturation of the brain, widespread depression is more than an overdiagnosis, it is inevitable.

However, I don’t want to paint a bleak picture, though I do want to point out the bleak and dangerous nature of current trends in order to help us change things for the better.

That is my job. Changing things for the better. That is my job and I am good at it. Not only because of my own personal history with mental health and abuse, and not only because of my history as a mom, but because it has been my passion and motivator from the day my memories begin.

As a professional, I work with teens and their families all around the world, and as a mom I helped guide eight children into adulthood, navigating depression and avoiding addictions for my high-risk teens.

Every story is different. Every culture carries its own tools and pitfalls. Every family has a unique history. Every person is genuinely alone with their thoughts. BUT we all have brains and bodies that work in pretty much the same way. So I have learned a few things that, when taken home and tailored to fit your unique goals and abilities, work for everyone.

As you know I share these things everywhere and often. I write books, articles, and shows. I speak, perform, and invent new ways to give this information away.

I want to share one of those things here with you now. Specific information for anyone with depression, avoiding addiction or suicide. This is something I see families worldwide struggle to accept and yet it is monumentally important. It is a lifesaving understanding, every time.

To help: There is really no replacing a change of environment and a restructuring of the roles everyone in the family is playing.

Too often people want to hang onto the life they are living and “fix” their children’s problems, or the person with the diagnosis, without having their own lives derailed. However, the life you are living led to, or is feeding, this problem in some complicit way. So change is the answer.

If you live with an addict: The first step to really helping an addict is an acceptance that the job ahead is huge and requires an absolute nonjudgmental commitment from everyone in the support network. Step two is to approach healing from the concerns of the addict, not the wishes of those around the addict. Addicts don’t stop using because we want them to. They stop using because they want to stop more than they want to use. This ‘thinking with the mind of an addict’ requires some very challenging re-balancing of motivators but once it’s done you can speak the same language and head for the same goals, you are on the same team.

So, where depression and addiction are concerned, change, the right change, motivated by a desire for health, is the answer. Always.

However, if you step in and change the environment, if you attack all the pleasures and don’t replace them with greater ones, you will fail so big the problems become stronger, even more resistant to change.

So yes, restructure the roles everyone in the family is playing. Make less screen time and movement that is fun for the mover a rule, examine the beliefs of your home and your culture with a willingness to shift, adjust, rewrite, and then, if you allow for a life that isn’t perfect in appearances but is mostly a joy to experience, you will likely avoid addiction and depression altogether.

True these issues often originate (as in adolescence and menopause) from genuine physiological imbalances. However, one’s psychology becomes their physiology and vice versa. Thus you can still use psychological change to re-balance physiological shifts. That was always a good idea. It just needs to be done with the right mindset and supportive environment.

For example, the person who fears the world often does so to balance feelings of depression. Depression is a mentally slowed down, body heavy experience. Fear is a quick thinking, anxiously vibrating, heart fluttering one. The two can actually balance each other out. This technique, however, has a deleterious effect on health and emotional well being.

The depression driven fearful person is often advised to take self-defense classes in order to remit their feelings of fear. This action does help them feel stronger but the need for self-defense also vindicates their feelings of fear and causes them to believe more fully that the world is dangerous. Sometimes people in this scenario then unconsciously seek to prove themselves right and invite danger through unfocused action. Thus, they discover that they were right, the danger is real. They discover this without seeing their own complicit behavior in the circumstance. Generally, this commonly used approach simply causes the fear to shift position.

However, having a purpose and being active may have remedied the originating cause: depression. Thus some people will actually heal this way.

A better approach might be to have that same person take Tai Chi with a focus on health and longevity. This would also improve strength and preparedness. However, without an increase in the focus on danger. Fear distracted, used, and dissolved. In the course of making these changes, the previously fearful person would also alleviate any symptoms of depression but this time without behavioral side effects.

I do not mean to make this sound easy peasy.

To be honest, before I started using neurofeedback sometimes these changes required herculean efforts and were just not enough to maintain the improvements they instilled. Neurofeedback became my tool for reaching deeper into the brain and creating behavioral change from within. The combination was so powerful, so easy peasy, I changed my life trajectory and became a medical professional sharing what I had learned for the benefits of others.

So add a little (okay, maybe a lot) of neurofeedback and you can say goodbye to depression altogether. Particularly in younger brains. As for addiction, in my experience addiction is usually caused by a desire to feel better. When you feel better it dissolves quite easily.

So help yourself and your people feel better, and let joy do the rest.

When I Was Easy To Rape, It Was Still Rape

Originally published on OpEdNews Nov. 6, 2012: When I Was Easy To Rape, It Was Still Rape

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I usually ignore politicians during election years because they say such stupid things.  More than at any other time.

So while politicians give the media juicy phrases to fry them with … phrases like ‘forcible rape’  ‘false rape’, ‘legitimate rape’, and my own personal favorite ‘rape so easy’ I find myself pondering the question “How often have I been Easy to Rape?”

The answer was, repeatedly!

Apparently, I have been my version (which is slightly different than State Rep. Roger Rivard’s version) of easy to rape countless times in my colorful life.

Let’s go through them:

At five years old when my father took me into the cubby hole to stroke his penis I was EASY TO RAPE though fortunately I never actually was… raped.

At eight years old when my grandfather and all his drunken friends laughed at me as I chugged beer in the beer tent at the county fair and then had me drop my panties so they could all get a good look, I was EASY TO RAPE, but fortunately I never actually was … for it was only show and tell.

At twelve when my uncle barricaded me in the barn and dry humped me while squeezing my breasts and saying, “You’ve been asking for this all night!” I was EASY TO RAPE, though luckily I never actually was … it was only a full body massage.

At age thirteen when the class bully ripped my jacket off behind the school and forced his fingers in my crotch I was EASY TO RAPE, but ironically my dad showed up just in time to interrupt the tussling.

At age 15 by the time our local gym teacher took me into the sick room and told me I was beautiful I actually was EASY TO RAPE.

Finally raped I could follow the local police advice and just give in to anyone that felt intimidating. This became especially true after I ran away from home and found myself in need of rides; spare change, a place to sleep.

So I ‘gave in by complying’ over and over again. In fact, I’d comply if I even thought they might become intimidating. I complied before I was even asked because that felt like I had some measure of control over my life. I think they call this promiscuous.

Eventually I pulled it together. I even married a few times. My third marriage was to a man I loved in a hero-worshipping dreamy sort of way.  He was obsessed with sex offenders and wanted to be a vigilante, so we had a pact that we would go on an offender-killing rampage when the kids were grown and gone. It was – to me– a harmless fantasy that proved I had finally found someone safe to be around. Until I found out that he wasn’t anymore.

One day my 13 year old told me that my husband had crawled into her bed while she was asleep and touched her underneath her undies. My safety net vanished. The world crashed down around us.

I put one metaphorical foot in front of the other as my husband, who tried to kill himself, was arrested. I was lost in confusion and knew only that I had to believe my child. Eventually we ended up in group therapy. That group therapy saved me, saved my children and all the other children that I would later save. That group therapy began the healing, but not for the reasons you might expect.

During therapy all the moms whose daughters had been sexually mistreated talked about themselves. The intention of therapy was to teach everyone how to recognize a predator. But the intention wasn’t being realized. I looked around the table and noticed something I hadn’t previously known: Every one of those moms had a history of being sexually and physically abused. Me too.

In that moment I understood the nest of predators I was laying in. In that moment I came to understand that I didn’t have to do anything bad for bad to happen because somehow my past had magnetized me to it. I would attract predators or become one myself. Slowly I started to grasp the degree to which sexually damaged people cluster together to protect each other even as the victims gather together and become easy targets. They do this because they are blind to the attractions of dissimilar nests, and see only the value in the pheremonally familiar.

The desire to hurt people surged through my body. I wanted to retroactively report every one of the molesters in my life as a way of wiping my future clean. But as I listened to the other women whine, I realized that I couldn’t help my daughter by talking about myself. I was certain of it. So I took this new understanding– that I might unknowingly attract molesters– and decided to keep men away from my children… unless I got married to one. Which I did – two more times – but that didn’t work either because it was a husband who had molested my child. Thus husbands were the most dangerous of all. So – since I still didn’t trust men – my next two marriages didn’t even lead to cohabitation.

Hence it is that I raised my many kids, adopted, and biological, alone.

The daughter whom my husband had molested repeated some of my steps and found herself having sex she didn’t want to have with a young boy who thought that no coerced into yes was consensual sex. Later she told me about it and I called the police. Finally one of us had been State Rep. Roger Rivard’s version of rape so easy: consensual sex turned against the boy. Unless of course, you have a more romantic version of consent.

That boys definition was push till she plays and the police advice in such a situation is always ‘comply’. So how does a young woman stay safe AND virtuous in such a situation? I had no real manual for what to do other than to not do it the way it had been done to me. (This was before the Internet … now the answers are easier to get, and they have changed. From comply, to fight and refuse.

So I wasn’t going to blame my daughter for the behavior of the man. I wasn’t going to not support her. And I WASN’T going to let my pain contaminate her life for the rest of her life. We were going to break the chain of abuse one link at a time.

My daughter and I went to court, which was traumatizing but necessary. She was called ‘coy’ and even now, 20 years later, when she uses the word she seems to want to spit it out with vehemence. I think if they’d had the phrase back then the defense probably would have called her EASY TO RAPE. I am glad he didn’t. She was hurt enough.

Since people who are sexually deviant, desperate, controlling, cruel, gather together and find each other through intuitive silent signals, they end up in tight little clusters of protective power. I know I mentioned this but it’s worth repeating. All important warnings are.

Imagine a ripe blackberry, with its little clusters clinging tightly to the core. Now, imagine being a microscopic insect burrowing through the mass of gelatinous flesh, and swimming in the sticky fluid of syrupy sex in an attempt to make it out of the rotting ooze. Imagine making it out covered in jizz but free. And now imagine that as you escape, you begin to see the light while the fruit behind you swarms with wasps and bees and flies and maggots. Then suddenly you feel a shadow and realize there is yet more fruit to be conquered and burrowed through.

And so it is as you find yourself constantly unveiling layer upon layer of nesting material, comprising nest upon nest of residents lunging for you with lecherous arms. Every time I found a new nest I dragged myself and my children though it. We persevered in our journey towards cleanliness of spirit, even as they screamed ‘everybody can’t be a molester’. Their resistance to my insistence. My response was simple and constant, “At the moment, most every body in our world is.” I knew this because – once I got the gravity of not helping my family get free of the cluster – I was tireless in my resolve to take action and recreate us again and again and again … until the day when no family, spouse, colleague, teacher, friend or enemy could touch my kids.

One thing I can honestly say is that when it comes to accepting or being defeated by the sexual status quo, I have NEVER BEEN EASY TO RAPE, regardless of words like legitimate, or false, or forcible to sugar coat the pain, rape hurts … each and every kind.  In fact every one of these rapes hurt as bad as any other. Even the rapes that were mostly made of words, where poorly thought out commentary by political buffoons went blazoning through the media loud enough for me – the person with no TV – to hear them. The question remains: does being sensitive make me vulnerable and EASY TO RAPE or am I just asking for it?

Author’s Note: Helping my children – to not have to experience this for them selves – has required healing me.  Unfortunately healing me came a little late for one of them. For me healing requires sharing with others so that I can hear myself. Thus it is that I have become my own teacher so that what I now know, I can immediately know it better.  That is why I am a speaker for RAINN. That is why I reason, I speak out, I teach and I share. If you wish to hear more about the nesting effect in sexual abuse I would be delighted to speak at your event. ~Lynette

 

 

Recognize, Become, and Choose Effective Leaders with Lessons from The Brain Broad.

Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) Is Returning To Speak At The Annual Leadership Summit America

September 2, 2017, SIMI VALLEY, CA: Back by popular demand, renowned international brain change expert Lynette Louise (“The Brain Broad”) will be speaking at the Annual Leadership Summit America – Albany, November 2-3rd 2017 at the DESMOND Hotel and Conference Center. On an impressive roster with fellow Leadership Influencers – Jeff Hoffman, Sharon Burstein, Forbes Riley, Frank Shankwitz, and Marilyn Suey – The Brain Broad will be showing attendees how to harness their Leadership Senses in pursuit of better Leaders and Leadership Skills.

The Seven Leadership Sensibilities (as described in the book The Seven Senses Of Leadership: The Brain Broad’s Guide to Leadership Sensibilities by Lynette Louise) are Seeing, Hearing, Tasting, Smelling, Feeling, Balancing, and Leading. Lynette is skilled at teaching the science of the senses with passion and easily remembered metaphors, and then taking us several steps further into creating, enhancing, and building our own skills with this new surprisingly fascinating knowledge.

A Tiny Taste Of What Lynette Teaches:

1) SEEING leads to believing and believing leads to seeing: they work together and build upon each other. It is the act of believing (or expecting) that causes your brain to choose what bits and pieces, out of the landscape of possibilities in front of you, that you will perSEEv.

2) People choose their leaders out of fear and love. The SMELL OF SUCCESS in a leader can be thrown out there like a chemical pheromone; a pheromone of love or a pheromone of hate. Lynette shows you how to control your pheromone production through intention, helping you produce the ODOR OF ADORE. You must have the ODOR OF ADORE – not just to get adoration, but to give it. It’s a mutual feedback loop of chemical reception.

3) LEADERS choose strength and set their followers free. In fact, they insist upon it. Leaders Lead and then let go in order to grow. They are always on the move. And every time they step forward, they leave an empty space behind in their wake that somebody else must step into and fill.

BRAIN BROAD TIP: “A Natural Leader naturally knows how to build herself using the world around her and the raw material of her personage. A Learned Leader learns to do the same. In the end, you can’t tell one from the other. So learn. Learn how to Lead and how to not be misLed.”

This is only a small sample of the many fascinating and effective Leadership Sensibilities Lynette Louise will help attendees understand and employ at November’s Annual Leadership Summit America – Albany. And Lynette is merely one of the speakers that will be sharing valuable knowledge!

BONUS: Lynette will host a special no-cost gathering for Q&A on the brain after the summit has ended on Friday. Simply email her with your name and intention to attend. (Scroll down for contact info.)

Whether learning to lead is your motivation, or choosing better leaders – or both! – be sure to attend this powerful event.

Lynette Louise is available for interviews.

Register or learn more about the Annual Leadership Summit America – Albany here: http://www.sharonburstein.com/leadership-summit/

Purchase The Seven Senses of Leadership: The Brain Broad’s Guide to Leadership Sensibilities here: http://www.lynettelouise.com/book/

Contact – Lynette Louise, D.Sc., Ph.D. ABD, Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback
www.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: mom4evermore@juno.com
PHONE: 713-213-7682
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Three Tips for Harnessing Envy

For a variety of reasons, many people today are unaware of the subtle differences in their emotions. So they drop everything into either the negative or positive emotional category.

 

Envy is an emotion with subtleties.

Very often a person sees someone else’s acquisitions and thinks to themselves: “Wow, I’m motivated by the acquisitions of that person. I sure wish I had what they have.” The first statement leads to proactive responding and an increase in desire that has no downside. The second response leads to negativity and blaming.
 
So, when you think in terms of beliefs creating emotions, and envy being the problem you’re having, my tips are:
 
1) Look at all the things that you envy people for and try to put as many as possible into the category of, “Wow, this window shopping for ‘what everyone else has’ is great for me as far as motivation goes! Let’s see what I want.” With this attitude and activity, you’ll immediately have less envy.
 
2) Now that you’ve got those acquisition-envy beliefs out of the mix, you can look at the ones where you have true, strong, envy and ask yourself, “Do I actually want what they have or am I thinking I want it simply to avoid something else?” This is an important piece because often negative emotions are just our way of avoiding what we actually want, and we’re often taught to want more than we can even possibly have.
 
3) Tip three is the most important but it won’t be as useful till you’ve done one and two. So number three: You make your list. Your list is what you actually want. It’s like setting a goal and when a person sets a goal they are less susceptible to getting sidetracked. An example: “Even though I’d like to do every job in the world my first goal is to be an accountant, so I won’t do guitar lessons right now.” It’s the same with acquisitions and accomplishments. When you have a goal then you know that other people’s acquisitions and accomplishments don’t fit into your goal and you can just admire them for it. As well as partner with them. So that you’re now able to have access to even more. It becomes not, “I wish I had what they had,” and instead, “Thank goodness they have what they have, now I don’t have to.” 

 

There are many other tips and ideas for harnessing your envy; personalize them. Create them for yourself. Find and impliment all the ways that you are best at taking advantage of this emotion.

 

How much fun I’ll have envying your ability to do so!

;D

Simple Suggestions For Parents Struggling To Bond With Baby

Dear parents struggling to bond with baby,

Allow me to give you this gift.

Let go of whatever you imagined it would be like to bond, you were wrong.

A lot of this feeling, this feeling of not being able to bond, is due to reality not matching imagination. Also, you’re tired and hormonal, which leads to emotions that cause you to be easily worried and overly observant in self-sabotaging ways.

Just take the time to get to know this new creature. There’s no reason why you would be bonded until you do that.

The difference between the parent who bonds right away and the parent who doesn’t is the belief that they will bond, without the imagined idea of what that should look like or feel like in advance.

Stay in the present and you will be fine.

When you’re in the present you’ll be able to tell if your baby is pulling away and/or refusing to feed because of a problem (maybe a sensory issue or pain) and then you will seek the correct counsel rather than take it personally.

Please Know: The act of reaching out to help your child is the act of bonding.

If you find yourself with more questions or concerns, please feel comfortable reaching out to me.

Bonding with baby is a gift I would love to help you unwrap.

~Lynette Louise,

aka The Brain Broad

 

 

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Weaker (Unless You Use It To Pole Vault Into Greater Horizons Of Understanding)

My son likes to play the same radio station all day and night.

Hence, I keep hearing the hook line: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” After enough repetitions, wherein I nodded in agreement, I thought again.

The concept is wrong. And somewhat damaging.

It is a propagated myth that assists people in their attempts to feel proud when they struggle. Since pride is a desirable emotion this response contains the possibility of cementing us into the role of ‘overcomer’. Thus we must seek things to struggle against and overcome. It is like treading water in the story of your life.

In truth, anything that almost kills you leaves you needing to heal, which is a weaker state than being healthy already. Thus, challenges big enough to bring you close to death (or wishing for it) make you weaker than you would have been without this painful interruption in your life story.

True, if you are able to overcome without becoming habituated to overcoming, if you were already strong before the near death disabling incident happened, and you choose to embrace the unexpected information your experience presented you with, you may indeed appear stronger. This is because you are choosing to grow more perspective and, hence, sophistication as a result of the incident.

Understand, though, that is because you are already strong; strong enough to make the most of it.

Therefore, I would like to rewrite the hook line into: “What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker, unless you use the new experiential knowledge to pole vault yourself into awe-inspiring greater horizons of understanding.” But it probably won’t catch on. Truth is seldom as catchy as propaganda.

I’m saying it anyway:)

Before You React, Read On

My son likes to pretend he is Retarded!

Before you get angry at him, read on:

When he was young he was diagnosed as globally retarded with fetal alcohol syndrome and autistic-like mannerisms.

Before you get angry at me, read on:

I did NOT drink during pregnancy. I adopted him with these diagnoses.

Before you get impressed by me put your focus back on him and, read on:

My son is 35 this year. He has accomplished much in this life. He has been fully independent since he was 19 and worked a steady job since he was 17. That is more than most men without a diagnosis, let alone three.

Before you forget to see the miracle in this, read on:

My son likes to pretend he is retarded because he used to be and isn’t anymore. And even though most people would find that to be in very bad taste, I think it’s brilliant.

Before you get judgmental, read on:

I think that playing with the mannerisms of a special needs man feels funny to him, and maybe even a little fun, because of the feeling of familiarity. He has always been a bit of a clown; both in school and around the house. So this silliness makes sense, matches him in more ways than one.

Before you decide it’s time for him to STOP IT, reconsider:

I think the juxtaposition of dropping in and out of this special needs character helps him feel his own progress, helps him continue to grow and distance himself from the old slow moving style, resets the speed at which he must function and operates like a break in the pattern that prevents him from getting overwhelmed.

The truth is people do things for a reason. Understanding the reason helps us appreciate and see all people in all their multi-layered glory.

My son likes to pretend he is retarded!

And I love that about him. Because he has used it to solve his own problem and also because he is my son who likes to do this; loving him requires loving everything about him. Pretending to be retarded is just a part of his shtick, his story, and his overcoming.

My son is no longer retarded. He is a miracle of overcoming and before you forget to be impressed, read on:

My fetal alcohol syndromed, no longer globally retarded, no longer on the spectrum of autism man/son is a hard working, sweet, funny without-being-mean adult with honorable intentions. He has owned homes, travel-trailers, trucks, and equipment, etc. He has had several intimate relationships, some good and some bad. He is training for his second career while working to maintain this pattern of paying his own way. My son never graduated high school, or even managed to get a GED. Instead, he learned as he went along, only what he needed to know. He didn’t lean on drugs (prescribed or otherwise) or systems of assistance. He just worked, overcame, worked, overcame, worked overcame.

And because he is focused on working at being a success he is one.

My son is impressive and he likes to pretend he is retarded.

My son is a lesson in what really matters and I thank him for teaching me.

International Autism Docu-Series FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD, Season Two (USA) Now Available to Rent/Own Worldwide

Purchase of the show goes directly towards funding editing of Season Three (Israel) now in process.

February 23, 2017 Simi Valley, CA – FIX IT IN FIVE with LYNETTE LOUISE aka THE BRAIN BROAD is a docu-series that airs on The Autism Channel, available with a Roku Box. Both season one (Uganda) and season two (USA) are available for viewing free of charge to Autism Channel audiences.

For people who prefer to own (or rent) the show (an important option for educators and event organizers) both seasons are now available worldwide via Vimeo On Demand.

WHAT IS FIX IT IN FIVE? Renowned international mental health expert Lynette Louise (aka The Brain Broad) takes audiences to work with her as she’s invited into homes around the globe to work with families who have a loved one with autism and at least one other brain dysfunction. Always, she helps. Always, everyone learns.

FIX IT IN FIVE, Season One (Uganda) was a groundbreaking success. Seizures, culture, and poverty played important roles while Lynette Louise worked with little Trisca and her mom, Milly. Audiences were brought to tears of understanding and joy while Lynette addressed each issue, introducing us to her unique candor and understanding. We watch (and learn) as it works and everyone begins to heal.

FIX IT IN FIVE, Season Two (USA) has impressed and encouraged viewers with evermore information and support. Puberty, violence, and ferocious love are on display while Lynette works with Xavier and his authentic mom, Jody, alongside Xavier’s brilliant sister, Gina. Once again, show host and creator Lynette Louise taps into her unlimited ability to understand while campaigning for change. The family on screen is gifted with unprecedented and life changing teachings. So are the viewers.

The first two seasons (of what will be a five season docu-series) are now available in their entirety for people anywhere in the world. There are a few ways to watch:

The Autism Channel (FREE to anyone with a Roku Box)

FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD, Vimeo On Demand (Rent or Purchase full seasons or individual episodes) Season One (Uganda) & Season Two (USA)

FIX IT IN FIVE on The Woman’s Broadcast Network (Season One only, Available FREE on Roku Box or online)

FIX IT IN FIVE, Season Three (Israel) is now in the beginning phases of editing. By purchasing seasons one and/or two you are contributing to the efforts of editing season three. And you automatically become part of our ever-growing Fix it in Fiver family!

Owning FIX IT IN FIVE with THE BRAIN BROAD gives you access to a show that is already affecting lives in unexpected and positively world-changing ways. As a Fix it in Fiver we encourage you to hold events and screenings of the show so that more people can grow and learn about the attitude shifts, play tips, and brain science that are presented with such emotion and brilliance in this international series.

And please feel free to contact Lynette Louise herself to speak or run a workshop in your area!

Visit Lynette’s websites for more info about the show, Lynette’s books, speaking, videos, outreaches,  and more:

Lynette Louise aka The Brain Broad

Contact Lynette Louise aka THE BRAIN BROAD: Doubly Board Certified in Neurofeedback and working on her PhD in Psychology with a specialty in Psychophysiology at Saybrook University, ww.lynettelouise.com/ www.brainbody.net / EMAIL: mom4evermore@juno.com PHONE: 713-213-7682
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“Begin Your Sentence Before Thinking” & Other Tips For Assertiveness

“Above all, know what you want to accomplish in every interaction,”was the immediate response I had when asked how to be more assertive in the workplace.The question came from a reporter who was working on a story that intended to help people who are challenged in this area. Folks who are shy or afraid to assert themselves for fear of seeming pushy yet know that they want to assert themselves in order to move forward and showcase their potential. I get it. And I have some tips.

As an international behavior specialist, a leadership mentor / author / speaker, and as a single mom of eight grown children – six adopted, five with cognitive challenges – I am consistently assertive and clear. In this way, I have been able to lead my children and my clients to believe in themselves and to acquire unprecedented skills, abilities, and futures.

These are a few tips I would love to give you as well. They are useful in the workplace; any workplace. Even if it is your home.

Healthy Helpful Assertiveness Tips:

1) Begin your sentence before thinking. Too often people freeze up while they are trying to think up the right answer and then they get trapped into merely agreeing to what’s being asked of them. Also, when you immediately begin speaking your brain proactively seeks the best response. Tip: It can help to give yourself a ‘go to’ phrase to start with. ‘What are we hoping to accomplish’ or ‘I like that you thought to ask me.’

2) Conversely, think about how you responded immediately after the interaction. Be sure to quickly clear up any misdirection or anything that may have been left unclear.

3) When you choose to say no, use the word don’t rather than can’t. Not only will it give the person you’re speaking to less room to try and change your mind, but it gives you a feeling of confidence that subtly shifts your thinking and body language.

These are only a few simple tips, yet with practice and consistency they can make all the difference.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like more ideas.

Don’t be shy. ;D